Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
