if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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