On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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