hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
