Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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