One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
