Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
