Your dad touched me again.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My vagina is officially offended.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
