God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
