i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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