Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize