So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I could have mohawked her pubes.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
