There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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