Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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