She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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