But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
