he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
