Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
