....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
