Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My liver just had a heart attack.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
