a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
