I wish you could order shots online.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
