Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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