I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just googled if crying burns calories
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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