I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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