Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
