Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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