chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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