as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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