So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
