We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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