TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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