I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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