Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
