He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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