Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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