now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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