the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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