Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize