im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
