So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
