Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
