She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
