i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
