I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
