I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
