i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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