guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
