just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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