Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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