Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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