Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
