Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
so that wasnt chicken after all
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
