she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
