You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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