when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
