i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
