Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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