I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
