i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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