the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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