saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
