Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
