I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize