I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
