Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
