a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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